Dealing with Perfectionism in Grad School: My Ongoing Journey

Perfectionism is a double-edged sword, especially in graduate school. On one hand, striving for excellence can drive us to achieve our best work. On the other hand, it can lead to relentless self-criticism, anxiety, and burnout. As a graduate student, I’ve found myself caught in the perfectionism trap, constantly comparing my progress to that of my peers and feeling inadequate as a result. For many graduate students, they often excelled in undergraduate studies and were usually the top performers in their classes. However, in graduate school, you are now among all the top performers and may no longer be the “top dog” and can lead to many feelings of doubt in your abilities. This blog post is an exploration of my struggles with perfectionism, how it has impacted my academic journey, and the strategies I’m using to manage it.

The Comparison Trap

Graduate school is inherently competitive, and it’s easy to fall into the comparison trap. I often find myself looking at my peers and feeling like I’m falling behind. If someone in my program is publishing more papers, advancing faster, or already defending their dissertation proposal, I start to question my own progress. Am I doing enough? Should I be working harder or faster? These thoughts create a cycle of self-doubt that can be hard to break.

What’s worse is that even without direct comparisons, we students tend to invent them. We measure ourselves by the number of publications we have, the hours we work, or how quickly we reach certain milestones. These comparisons can be incredibly damaging, as they often ignore the individual differences in research topics, personal circumstances, and the unique challenges each of us faces. For example, my program (Integrative Neuroscience) strongly suggests that we defend our dissertation proposal at the end of our third year while the Cellular and Molecular Biosciences suggest their students defend their dissertation proposal at the end of their second year. While both programs are five-year Ph.D. programs and we will have the same results at the end, it can feel that we are behind just based on program differences.

The Impact on Daily Life

For me, the pressure to be perfect reached a point where it started affecting my daily life. I remember times when I felt like I couldn’t take a break to eat because I wasn’t working as much as I thought I should be. I saw other students skipping meals to work longer hours, and I convinced myself that I needed to do the same to be as productive as they were. In my mind, I had the belief that even if procrastinated or wasn’t productive enough I was able to show that I sacrificed other tasks (in this case eating) to still get work done. This mindset was not only unhealthy but also unsustainable.

The lack of clear metrics in graduate school adds to the struggle. Unlike undergrad, where grades and exams provided tangible feedback, grad school often leaves us without a clear rubric for success. Many programs have pass/fail exams, it’s generally expected that everyone will earn A’s in their courses, and we often write papers or grants that only have vague outlines. With these traditional markers of academic achievement no longer relevant, it’s easy to feel lost and unsure of how to measure one’s progress.

Managing Perfectionism: A Work in Progress

I’m still working on overcoming perfectionism, but I’ve found a few strategies that help me manage it on a daily basis.

1. Focus on My Own Path: One of the most effective ways I’ve found to combat perfectionism is by focusing on my own path rather than comparing myself to others. Everyone’s journey is different, and what works for one person may not work for another. I try to remind myself that my progress is valid, even if it looks different from that of my peers.

2. Conduct Time Audits: I’ve started conducting time audits to really look at how much work I’m doing. If it seems like I’m not accomplishing enough, I take a step back and evaluate how much mental effort my tasks are requiring. For example, writing takes a lot of brainpower for me, so even if I don’t produce a large volume of work, I acknowledge that it took significant mental effort. This helps me appreciate my work and avoid the trap of thinking I’m not doing enough.

3. Redefine Success: In the absence of clear metrics, I’ve had to redefine what success looks like for me. Instead of relying on external validation like grades or the number of publications, I focus on the quality of my work, my personal growth, and the progress I’ve made in understanding my research. This shift in perspective has helped me feel more in control of my academic journey.

4. Practice Self-Compassion: Perfectionism often stems from a fear of failure and a desire for external validation. During my academic journey, perfectionism has often been celebrated and allowed for me to be successful. However, in graduate school, with so many different tasks and responsibilities to juggle, perfectionism has slowed me down and sometimes makes completing my tasks impossible. I’ve found that practicing self-compassion—being kind to myself when things don’t go as planned—helps mitigate these fears. I remind myself that it’s okay to make mistakes and that setbacks are a natural part of the learning process.

5. Set Realistic Expectations: I’ve also learned to set realistic expectations for myself. Graduate school is a marathon, not a sprint, and it’s important to pace myself. I’m working on setting achievable goals and celebrating small victories along the way.

Conclusion

Dealing with perfectionism in grad school is an ongoing struggle, but it’s one that I’m committed to working through. By focusing on my own progress, conducting time audits, and redefining what success looks like, I’m slowly learning to manage the pressures of perfectionism. It’s not always easy, and I still have days when I feel overwhelmed, but I’m taking it one step at a time. If you’re struggling with perfectionism, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to be a work in progress, and it’s okay to take breaks, make mistakes, and find your own path in this academic journey. If anything, taking breaks and practicing self-care will often allow you to recenter and be more focused on your tasks and get them done easier and faster than before. At Good Grad Ugly, we’re all about embracing the good, the bad, and the ugly of graduate school life—and that includes learning to navigate the challenges of perfectionism.