Navigating My First Committee Meeting: A Rollercoaster of Emotions

The anticipation of my first committee meeting was like a cloud hanging over me for weeks. I had spent the weekend at a writing retreat preparing as much as possible, fine-tuning my presentation and making sure every detail was in place. Because I get so nervous with presentations, I write out every single word I want to say in the note section – that way, if I completely blank or freeze up, at least I still have what I need to say. But even with all that preparation, I was still filled with anxiety. My biggest fear was that my practice talk with my Principal Investigator (PI) would reveal major flaws in my work, forcing me to scramble to fix everything before the meeting—only two days away.

The Practice Talk: A Confidence Boost

As I began my practice talk with my PI, I was a bundle of nerves. My heart raced, and my mind swirled with thoughts of all the ways this could go wrong. But something surprising happened as I talked through my presentation. I started to calm down. The more I spoke, the more I realized that I actually knew what I was talking about. The hours I had spent preparing paid off, and I could see that my PI was impressed.

To my relief, she said that little needed to be changed before my first committee meeting. I breathed a sigh of relief and quickly got to work on the few edits she suggested. Even though I was still anxious about the upcoming presentation, I felt a renewed sense of confidence. I could do this. I had prepared thoroughly, and my PI’s feedback reassured me that I was on the right track.

The Morning of the Meeting: Battling Nerves

Despite my growing confidence, the morning of the committee meeting was a challenge. I’ve always hated giving presentations, and the thought of presenting to five PIs, two of whom I hadn’t formally met, was to be honest, terrifying. My talk wasn’t scheduled until noon, so I had several hours to kill before the big moment. To burn off some nervous energy, I decided to do a workout. It helped a little, but the nervousness quickly returned as I got closer to the meeting time.

I tried to keep myself occupied, but my mind kept counting down the minutes. Finally, the time arrived. I headed to the conference room, set up the projector, and made sure my presentation was ready to go. And then I waited. The minutes dragged on as I anxiously watched the clock and waited for the PIs to arrive.

The Presentation: A Sudden Jolt of Anxiety

When everyone finally arrived, my PI introduced me and outlined the goals of the meeting. Essentially, we were there to get a green light on my aims and to figure out the timing of my qualifying exam. I took a deep breath, steadied myself, and began my presentation.

At first, things went smoothly. I was still nervous, but I managed to keep it under control. But then we got to the part I had been dreading: discussing my aims. My committee was reviewing my aims in the context of the NIH F31 grant, which is notoriously competitive, long, and difficult to write. As we discussed my aims, I felt like the floor had just dropped out from under me.

The PIs raised concerns about my central hypothesis. While my aims supported it, they worried that the reviewers might find it lacking because it didn’t include mechanisms or receptors, which are crucial for a strong hypothesis in my field of research. I was terrified that all of my hard work would need to be redone, and I felt panic rising in my chest.

A Ray of Hope: Adjusting the Plan

Just as I was about to despair, we had a breakthrough. My PI and I clarified that while my proposal would be formatted like an F31, I wasn’t actually planning to submit it for the grant. This clarification seemed to ease their concerns. They were more comfortable green-lighting my aims based on this understanding. I could practically feel the sweat rolling off my forehead as I realized that I wouldn’t have to start over from scratch.

Despite the rocky discussion, it felt like we had reached a resolution. My committee was on board with my aims, and we could move forward with my plan. The meeting wrapped up, and I was relieved to know that I had their approval to proceed. But that relief was short-lived as I realized that my qualifying exam was now just two short weeks away.

For context, it is not super common for a student to have their first committee meeting and then dive right into their proposal exam. You may all be wondering, “Why not slow down a bit, you have plenty of time!”. That’s what I thought I had too until this February when we found out that my PI is having a baby! With her due date in mid-October, I needed to get my proposal and exam out of the way as fast as possible. Based on the committee’s availability, we could only meet for the first meeting at the end of August and again availability constraints made my exam be in two weeks.

The Aftermath: Preparing for the Next Challenge

Walking out of that meeting, I was a mix of emotions. I was relieved that my aims were approved and that I wouldn’t have to rewrite everything, but I was also overwhelmed by the realization that my qualifying exam was so close. I knew I had a lot of work to do, but I also felt a new sense of determination and swirling doubts of how I would get all of this done in time.

The experience of my first committee meeting was a rollercoaster of emotions—from nervous anticipation to sudden anxiety, and finally to a cautious sense of relief. While it was incredibly challenging, it also gave me a clearer understanding of what I needed to do next. Now, with the clock ticking down to my exam, it’s time to put my head down and get to work.